Life is Hard to Understand Sometimes

I find that people are full of contradictions. So is faith. They say to believe because God has got you, but yet, he lets you get into all sorts of terrible situations. And when we question why, they say it's because we live in a fallen world of sin. But God is all powerful isn't he? Shouldn't he be able to fight against Satan and win the war? What is He waiting for? If God is a good God, why does he let innocent children suffer? Surely those children haven't done anything so terrible that they deserve to be abused. I can't seem to get on board with a God who allows bad things to happen to good people for the sake of a 'larger blueprint' because as people who have gone through trauma know, trauma is well, something that affects you for your entire life. It's not something that I can wake up one day and choose to not have it associated with me at all. It seeps into the smallest cracks of my life without me realising it. My job, my relationships, my decisions. It manifests in my anxieties, in my stuttering voice. I get that it's freeing and liberating to surrender the deepest, darkest parts of ourselves to an unknown, unseen power and yet sometimes I question if this is a coping mechanism because there are so many times in our lives when we feel helpless. When we pray, is it the power of the positive thoughts and words that refuels us, or is it really an unseen God listening to our prayers and choosing to help us? When we wait patiently, do we somehow guide our actions and words towards the decision we believe is good for us, and then when it happens, we call it a 'miracle'? When we get sick, do we just let the wound fester? No, we clean the wound, apply medication and a plaster over it. We don't rely on faith for that wound to heal on its own without cleaning and medication. When we say God is the God of healing, why don't we rely on him fully without resorting to medication or having to see a doctor? It's all very complicated, and how I wish it wasn't. How I wish my brain would just accept the comfort of faith and religion in its entirety without questioning the logic of it all. Why did you give me logic, God, to question you with? Are you real? The other day, my student asked me if God is real, if Jesus is real. I told him yes, God is real, and yes you can pray to Him every day to ask for help. I said it so confidently and assuringly but inside, I know I question it sometimes too. God, please show yourself to me if you are real so I can say confidently that I know who You are. Please make my life purposeful and easier to understand.